Aviation Jokes

Ground Controller: Cessna calling ground control. Are you a Skymaster?
Pilot's reply: No Sir. I'm just a student pilot.

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- "Pompano tower, Cessna 123 is 10 miles north inbound, Pan! Pan!"
The tower, who was obviously a bit taken by the call came back with
- "What?".
The Cessna repeated,
- "Pompano tower, this is Cessna 123 10 miles north inbound, Pan! Pan!"
After a few seconds of what seemed to be slight confusion on the part of the controller, the tower answered back,
- "Roger Cessna 123, Pizza! Pizza!"

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A young pilot is in an airport lounge trying to impress a woman. He tells her he owns an airplane, a (Cessna) C-150.
She has no clue what that is and asks him for a description. The pilot points to a Hercules
on the ramp near by and says- "Well, zats a C-130".

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Ilushin IL-12 on a relay. The Captain with appendicitis is being transported to the hospital's operating-room.
The crew are near and wait for the surgery. The doctor comes out of the operating-room:
- Situation is critical. The narcosis has no effect on him. We can't operate.
The mechanic disappears for 15 minutes and comes back with a captain control panel simulator.
- Show him that and he will fall asleep.
The Doctor:
- So we will be able to operate on him?
- Well, just try.
Doctors show the panel to the Captain. The captain shuts down. Then they do some pain checks - no reaction.
All is fine, they are good to go now.
The crew hurry up for a flight with other captain... One week later... The crew arrive back again to this city and visit their
Captain. The Doctor is in deep despair:
-You lulled him, YOU awake him then. We can't help. He still sleeps.
The mechanic:
- Wait a minute, - he steps up to the Captain and quietly whispers in his ear:
- SPIRIT on PROPS!
- WHO gave the COMMAND "SPIRIT on PROPS"?! - The Captain's terrible voice shrilled through the air.

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To set the scene. 3 Ship military jet formation at holding point of civilian airport. Behind them are two civilian bizjets waiting in turn.

ATC: MADOG formation are you ready?
MADOG: Negative.
ATC: MADOG advise ready.
MADOG: Roger.

Time passes....

ATC: MADOG formation are you ready?
MADOG: Negative.
ATC: You know the guys behind you PAY for their fuel.
MADOG: Roger, they PAY for ours too!!

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"Delta 633 descend to 3,000ft, the QNH is 1013mb"

"Delta 633 can we have that in inches please"

"Delta 633, descend to 36,000 inches, the QNH is 1013mb"

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Speedbird: Tower, Speedbird 85 requesting pushback
Tower: And where in is the worlds most experienced airline crew flying today without a flight plan?

Tower: Speedbird, you looked a little left of the centre-line on the touchdown there
Speedbird: Roger, and my co-pilot was a little to the right of the centre-line

Student pilot: Centre, Cessna 172 with you at flight level 3600
Centre: Roger, Cessna, contact Houston Space Centre

Approach: 200 Heavy, slow to 160 knots
Pilot: Roger
Approach: 200 Heavy, slow to 140 knots
Pilot Roger
Approach 200 heavy, slow to 130 knots
Pilot: Approach, do you know the stalling speed of this aircraft?
Approach: Nope, ask your co-pilot.

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